Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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