This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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