my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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