ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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