Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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