We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
