why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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