Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
