Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
