Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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