there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
