Who wears a wallet chain?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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