Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
