South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
