so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
