Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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