I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
