Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's rum buckets o'clock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
