I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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