This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
