Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
BRING THE BAGELS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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