that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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