tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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