It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
