a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
