I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
