my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
