K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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