So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
