lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
