3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
