There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
