Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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