You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
