Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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