Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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