I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
