So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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