There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
