I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would ride that face into the sunset
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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