Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
