Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
