We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
