im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
