Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
