It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
