How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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