You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
