She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
