It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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