I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
