If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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