I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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