Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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