i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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