So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
