I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
