I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
