I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
