i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
