They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
