The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
