Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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