I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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