You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
