Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
