forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
