She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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