I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
