i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
