this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
